( This is satirical piece which explores the textbook version of the History of Pakistan )
The text book version of the history which is being taught in Pakistani schools conveniently leaves some facts out of the picture while emphasizing others. As a student, I have been taught an education curriculum which starts from the ancient civilizations of Mohenjo-Daro and Harappa whose sole purpose is to tell that we are very different from Ganges civilization. So Mohenjo-Daro and Harappa can also be point added to our long list of two nation ideology Invasion of Sind, by young Muhammad Bin Qasim comes next, who conquered Sind to help a damsel in distress. Next comes in line the great Mehmood Ghaznavi who attacked India and the territories that now include Pakistan , 17 times to establish the reign of peace. Iqbal’s Favourite Ayyaz was Mehmood’s slave turned brother which was a very loyal subject. This tells us the lesson that being loyal as a slave can revive the good old days for us. the next chapter includes Dehli Sultans who were good and wise rulers who kept the majority of Indians who happen to be Hindus kept in line by using strict disciplinarian measures. Yes, they were also the great Muslims too.
The next chapter in our history and Pakistan studies books is about the Mughals. Mughals were great architects and lovers, if you don’t believe it just look at Taj Mahal , Red Fort and Shahi Qila Lahore and their harem . First come Babur, who defeated his counterpart in the famous first battle of Panipat and established the noble and pious Mughal dynasty. Babur was succeeded by his son Humyun who was a weak ruler due to his love for trinity of evil women, luxury, and infidels. Akbar, God damn him, was not such a pious ruler. He tried to rule justly over both Hindus and Muslims which made many Muslims question his sanity. The topic of Jodha Akbar is not included in our history textbooks because it was an unholy matrimony and just a political alliance and not something worth of troubling our young minds with. Jahangir was a great lover, first he seduced Anar Kali by his princely charms then his love exploits include the marriage with Noor jahan . His son, Shah Jahan followed in his footsteps and also became a great lover. He built the famous Taj mahal for his dead wife and made a huge change in the architecture of tombs by first time introducing a new shape to bury the dead since the times of pyramids in ancient Egypt..There is some western propaganda about spending huge sums of money on a building but not on the welfare or education of the people which is a total lie. After making this wonder there was no left over money to spend on frivolities like welfare of the masses. Next came the true Muslim ruler, Aurangzeb, his first noble ordeal was to imprison his father and to kill his brother in the name of Islam. A few of his other achievements include the numerous assassination, unnecessary expansion of the Mughal Empire and emptying his treasury. He was the last great ruler of Mughal Empire and is considered a saint for his numerous atrocities.
Next mughal rulers were weak so therefore we only mention their weakness in our textbooks.
Invasion of Nadir Shah of Iran, expansion Maratha Empire and Sikh Intrusions to Delhi left mughal baffled .The central authority of the mugahls weakened, which led to the establishment of hundreds of the small and big princely states. In between all of this mayhem there was second and third battle of Panipat .Students particularly fell victim in remembering the name of belligerents and the dates.
The British period started from the establishment of East India Company. Once British paid taxes to Indians to trade, later they started collecting taxes form Indians for trade. “Company Bahudur” which translates into the brave company, perfected the golden rule of, “divide and rule”. In 1757 the British defeated the Nawab (Lord) of Bengal and gained the first foothold in India, which was due to the treachery of some army officers in his ranks. According to our textbooks, this was actually the wrath of God and not the combination of discipline and better technology of the British. Later a nuisance was created by Tipu Sultan, who was only succumb, by the British after their treacherous diplomatic alliances with the neighbor princely states which were later consumed by the colonial giant by using the same treatment. There is almost a consensus between the desi writers in India and Pakistan, which is itself a strange thing, that the British victories had nothing to do with their bravado or military genius of the British forces but were actually the result of monsoon. Pakistani textbooks mention nothing about his earlier defeats which lead to the final siege of his capital in which he was killed. You may wonder if he was doing so great then what went wrong which led to his eventual demise, but you are wrong in thinking because first of all a student is not to think but to remember . Second it is not the scope of the textbook to discuss the short comings of the Muslim rulers. Our textbook mention no Hindus or Sikhs in their freedom struggles against the colonialism .Once asked about this, one of the authors of a textbook said, on the condition of keeping his name confidential that it is the duty Indian authors to promote their own heroes not ours and it can also tone down the hate between two sates which could be totally against the spirit of the books.
The war of independence of 1857 also commonly known as Indian mutiny culminated the struggle against the British tyranny .Books mention numerous reason for the starting of the war but fail to mention good reasons for the failure of revolt. Maybe it was due to new rules of engagement by the British in which elephants were kept out War Theater. Some authors claim that the war was lost before it even started because English forces cheated by using technology in an otherwise conventional warfare
Age of Discovery: The Two Nation Theory 1857-1940
The search for the two nation theory begins from this period of time. It is believed that the intelligentsia of newly founded Pakistan sat together after the independence and read each and every statement of the Muslims Hindu and British leadership alike to gather all the quotations for two nation theory which now boast the collection of 4 to 6 quotes.
Now I would like to mention a few short bibliographies of our forefathers being taught in our course books
He was a great philosopher and poet .He wrote poetry in Urdu and Persian. His Urdu poetry is so difficult that some Pakistanis believe it to be some kind of Persian dialect. The main themes in his poetry include ego (Khudi), greatness of early generations of Muslims and Gabriel his favorite buddy. He is also credited with one or two vague quotes about establishing a Muslim state in India.
Sir Syed Ahemd Khan
The old pictures of a man with huge beard are known to be of Syed Ahmed khan.His major contribution to the freedom struggle includes establishing a chain of few schools much like beacon house ,roots and APS but on much smaller scale. He told Muslims to get foreign education, learn English and obey English rule. Unlike the infamous Mir Jafar and Mir Sadiq who are still abused for colluding with British, he is considered a to be hero to work alongside the British. He was nobody in Delhi before the war broke out, after that he made something of himself. He was a prolific writer who publish everything that he had written along with some of other people’s work
An Essay on Quaid e Azam (10/10)
Quaid e Azam was born as Muhammad Ali Jinnah on 25 December 1876. He was the son of Poonjah Jinah .He went to England to get higher education. He was married before his visit to abroad as it was the tradition in those days to save the young lads from getting into the trouble of falling in for “Gori Maims”. He came back and started practicing law. He was, is and will be the greatest lawyer to ever live on the face of earth. He joined Indian National Congress to pursue peace but was disappointed to see that Congress only wanted to free India from English rule. He also joined Muslim League, at that time it was known as All India Muslim League which has nothing to do with the Q League of today. Rattanbai fell in love with Quaid because he was the most handsome, good looking and the tallest man in the whole world .At this stage, he was further disappointed by the conditions in India. He went back to England to relax and chill. When he came back he envisioned a new country in a dream. In 1940 he announced that a new country for Muslims is in making .He worked day and night to make Pakistan. On August 14, 1947 Pakistan came to be, only due to the efforts of one man and little tiny bit help from AIML
After the independence of Pakistan he made a lot of speeches in which the speech of 11 August 1947 is of no importance to the Islamic Republic of Pakistan. He also introduced a lot of new government organizations which went bad and rogue after the death of great Quaid except the chivalrous armed forces of Pakistan which have saved our country on numerous occasions. He died on 11 September 1948, maybe of some conspiracy either of western or domestic nature.
In the last I’ll be talking about the history of Pakistan
Muhammad Bin Qasim invaded Sind in 712. After that there is no mention of Sind in the history books before the birth of Quaid e Azam.
Islam spread through saints in this area who opted for Sufi poetry to spread their message. By the way, there is no mention that the famous saint patron of Lahore Data Gunj Bakkhsh came with army of Mehmood, the warlord of Ghazni. Lahore and Multan were and still are the major cities of Punjab. The next reference about Punjab comes as the birthplace Allama Iqbal. A few books mention some kind of Sikh era in Punjab but it is portrayed more of as fiction then as reality , so student don’t bother to inquire about it.
The first time we hear about KP is as a border dispute more commonly known as Durand Line. Formerly known as NWFP (North Western Frontier Province) , because of its geographical location it is believed by some to a frontier province in the north west of British India.
Sorry no record was found.
Kashmir was unlawfully bonded in a forceful marriage with India. Since the ancient times the valley of Jammu and Kashmir is the integral part of Pakistan. A same kind of claim is also put forward by India which is not the acceptable version in Pakistani textbooks.
History of Pakistan
From Quaid to trembling democracy 1948-1958
It is mentioned in every textbook that Pakistan is now the “promised land” of the “chosen people “after the fall Israelites from the eyes of Gods. Quaid was the philosopher king as mentioned by the Plato. After him, much like what happened after Aurangzeb, his successors fought with each other over the politics of Pakistan. It is said in some ancient chronicles of that time that angels help the first constitutional assembly of Pakistan to draft Objective Resolution as the pretext of the constitution. But the constitution of 1956 was not so fortunate; it died as an infant just two years after its birth.
- Politicians are a treacherous race
- Law making is a difficult time and taking process
- Pakistan is no less then America as nobody in America knows who killed Kennedy, we Pakistani people also don’t know about the murderer of Liaqaut Ali Khan.
- Bureaucracy is of no use.
- Our foreign policy can be summarized as
We love China, China loves us back (strictly platonic love)
We hate India, India hates us back (divorced)
We love Muslim countries (bros before hos)
A for Allah, A for aid, A for America, A for Afghanistan
Pakistan army could not anymore be the mere spectator. General Ayub has the moral, legal, social, religious …….. Responsibility to save Pakistan form clutches of the democratically elected corrupt politicians. General Ayaub was also the Mujahid e Awal in indo-pak war of 1965
Made one unit
Gave Pakistan a new constitution of 1962
Made new press laws to curb the freedom of speech
Pakistan was able to defeat enemy aggression of a much larger Indian army. Pakistani Armed forces were now in a position to recapture Delhi and reestablish the Muslim empire on Mughal grounds. According to few neutral sources this is a lie but our books clearly mention the golden rule of spotting a liar which states “who says you that you are a liar is actually a liar himself”,which says a lot.
General Yayha and peaceful fall of Bangladesh
There was a peaceful transition of power from a General Ayub to General Yayha. Pakistan had successfully developed and adapted an undemocratic form of government system. General Yahayha was a drunk and fool. He appointed military personnel as the governor general of Bengal colony.
A few clarifications
Pakistani armed forces are comprised of saints so the baseless allegations of rape and genocide against them are baseless
We were not defeated in Bangladesh by any standards to save the countless lives of enemy combatants in an unnecessary war, we voluntarily surrendered our arms (obviously it was western pressure if we would have fought we would have won the war. Note here the same principle of grammar composition is involved ,if ali would have studies ali would have passed the exams)
The Bolshevik Bhutto
Mr. Bhutto is considered to be of Pakistani origin and the only communist to own thousands of acres of land .In his famous speech Mr Bhutto claimed to drink a little to avoid drinking human blood. This does not tell us anything about whether Mr. Bhutto was a vampire or not. Mr. Bhutto was the father of Benazir Bhutto, the future prime minister of Pakistan. He established the new democratic party/dynasty of Bhutto which has ruled intermittently with House of Nawaz /democratic part known as PMLN. He is also famous for hosting OIC meeting in Lahore. Some conspiracy loving historians say that the west could not see Muslim block so they …..(the text is missing due to the legal spying of NSA).
Mr. Bhutto himself conducted elections and made sure that free and fair election would only result in his victory. After angry protest against the rigging in the elections, So , once again to save the country army took over . Here the most famous dictum associated with history repeats itself is rejected.
By applying a logical principle
If Army takes over, elections are rigged (1970s)
Elections are rigged (2014)
Therefore, Army takes over (2015)
As it did not happen, hence we can reject the hypothesis
General Zia ul Haq
He is also known as the father of the extremism. His first act as the non-democratically elected ruler was to hang Mr. Bhutto. As per the military tradition of his predecessors he also conducted free and fair elections. He considered himself as the savior and avatar of some dead Muslim general. Despite not fighting any real war he is credited by some for defeating the USSR in Afghanistan , thus ending the cold war and bringing peace and prosperity to not only the Pakistan but to the whole world. He is also the jihadist per excellence to reinvent the concept of Jihad.He is the only Pakistani dictator to successfully export the two nation theory to Afghanistan
There are others in Pakistan who claims general Zia to be the anti-Christ. They blame the general to bring intolerance to otherwise an already intolerant society. Feminists and human right activists believe him to be incarnation Hitler
He is not related to the cricketers Inzama ul Haq and Misbah ul Haq.
The Westminster style of sporadic dynastical democracy was introduced in Pakistan in late 1980s. The order of the Succession is
The PPP government was dismissed after the charges of corruption
The PML government was dismissed after the charges of corruption
The PPP government was dismissed after the charges of corruption
The PML government was dismissed after the charges of corruption